Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Randomize
