bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
