I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Bring me that man meat
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Randomize