Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
