I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
