I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
