I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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