there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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