Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
