Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
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