I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
