Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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