i already hear my dad disowning me
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
