I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Randomize
