The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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