Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
