i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
