Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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