You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Randomize
