Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
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