I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
