How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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