I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
