hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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