apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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