good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize
