my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
