If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
