overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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