Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
