Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
