I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
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