You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I won't apologize to a one balled man
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
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