This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
