I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
