before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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