I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
