hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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