Plan B is the new Plan A
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Randomize
