she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
