i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Randomize
