Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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