I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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