Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
