Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
