I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
