Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
