I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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