My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
