I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
