yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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