im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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