his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
