it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
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