I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
