Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
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