I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
