I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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