oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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