The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
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