I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Can you bring me the toilet please
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize