Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize