They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
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