normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
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