So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
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