Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Randomize
