I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
