you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
